Army Recruiters
This is the US Army recruiting station, how can I help you? Yeah, uh, lookin' to enroll here. Lookin' to enlist? Yeah. Hey, uh, sir, I-I think you called the other day. What I do is I set up an interview, ok? You come in, we determine your qualifications, I talk about the features and benefits of the program. If we have a match there, we got somethin' ya like and I find out you're qualified, then we talk next step. Mm. Honestly, I don't have enough time on the phone cuz, I'm-I'm in the middle of enlisting somebody right now. Let me let you in on what I do which is perform in battle, so. Ok. I'm shaved, I'm ready...for battle, so. Gotcha, gotcha. We still have to determine your qualifications, sir. Alright, listen I-I...I'd love to entertain you, sir, but I really hafta get goin', alright? It's really a bad time for me, uh, lemme give you my, uh, email address... Ok, go ahead. Then we'll s-, then we'll see what, uh, what you can do, ok? Ah, alright. I'll g-I'll g-I'll give ya a little time to get prepared and...go ahead and grab a pen or something else. Hopefully I'm worthy, sir. Go ahead. What's your email address? Uh, it's, uh, it's steven dot lee dot army dot mil. I'm gonna send a picture of me ''WHOOPIN' some ass.'' Heh, alright. So when you open it, best to turn the light up, light the room up bright, and take a real good look at it. Roger, sir. Alright. Cuz I am gonna grab holda you pretty quick. Ok, that sounds good. I like a challenge. I love to fight. Matter of fact, they pay me to fight. Uh, what's your name? My name's Enrique. Enrique. Ok, gotcha. I am gonna...get holda you and I'm gonna shake ya loose, fella. Sounds good. See if you can rise to my level. Alright, well...Hopefully I'll be worthy, like I said. I got your number, Enrique. I'll give ya a call, alright? Gotta go. I'm gonna get back to youuuu about five minutes from now. -- This is the US Army recruiting station, how can I help you? I wanna get physical. I'm sorry, what's your name? Enrique. Enrique, huh? Alright, what's your-what's uh-what are you-what do you mean you wanna get physical? On the battle-on the battlefield. On what battlefield? Uh, the Saharan battlefield. The Saharan battlefield? There is no Saharan battlefield, man. I want to enlist. You wanna enlist? What do you wanna enlist to? My fist. Your fist? You wanna enlist to your fist? That doesn't make too much sense, Enrique. Put me down on your list so I can get in there...get engaged in the battlefield, dude. Get engaged in what battlefield? I got discipline. Bud. Well, I don't think you necessarily have discipline because I'm asking you simple questions, Enrique, and you're not giving me straight answers. What is it that you wanna do? Are you a corporal, or? Don't worry about who I am cuz I'm thinkin' you're just calling to, uh, mess around there, Enrique. You can-you can bring your form up here and I'll fill it out, dude. I don't think I wanna do that, Enrique, cuz I don't think you're actually being serious because you're not answering simple questions. I'm ready to get physical with you right now outside. Don't have any desire or need to, so...what are we really talkin' about there, Enrique? It would be a lose-win, you-me. I wi-''' Is that what it is? '''I win. You'd win? End of paragraph. You can go ahead and win all you want, Enrique, but what i-what is it you wanna do today? Why are-why are we talkin' on the phone? I need to be placed on the battlefield. I don't think we can do that, Enrique. End of story. Ha- Right there. Have you ever-have you ever been arrested? Not in this country. Have you-Not in this country? What country have you been arrested in- Is that really relevant? Corporal? It-it is ''very relevant. Why are-what country have you been arrested in, Enrique? '''The Netherlands.' In the Netherlands? What were you arrested for, Enrique? There was a l...lot of nude people there. Mm, so why were you particularly arrested for nudity, Enrique? So you were being indecent in public? Indecent nudity? I'm bored. You're gonna be...indecent for, uh, presentation when I'm through with ya. Is that right? M'kay. I'll guess I'll be indecent then. So- Grab hold-''' Let me ask you, uh- '''Grab holda your neck. Have you graduated high school? Grab holda your neck. Have you graduated high school, there, Enrique? I got...an equivalency. A GED? GEDs are not qualified at this time, Enrique. Have you ever had any surgery? Not true. Have you ever had any surgery? Oral surgery. Yeah? What type? Oral. What. Type. Mouth surgery. What type of mouth surgery? Lip...surgery. Lip? What did you have done to your lip, Enrique? Reconstructive. For what, Enrique? ...Fist. You got punched? How did you-how did you get your busted lip, Enrique? Lips. Two lips. I got two fists for two lips. You self-inflicted a wound? I'm gonna punch your lip. I'm gonna tear the-''' Did you self-inflict a wound? drum beat starts How did you hurt your lip, Enrique? '''In the jungles of...Namamutu. Have you ever been seen by a mental health professional, Enrique? Not in this...nation. What have you been seen for mental health for, Enrique? stops What are you getting at? What have you been seen for mental health, Enrique? I was nude the one time, dude. Ahem. And did they prescribe you any medication? Yes. And when's the last time you stopped taking that medication, Enrique? Oh, I'm on it. Well, if you're currently on medication, Enrique, that's also a disqualifier. from "[[Eddie Money]" plays:] You guys are so goddamn fuckin' unprofessional! I can't believe it. So, go fuck yourself! Alright, unfortunately you are disqualified- sample: Well, y''ou know what? I-I never ordered that.'' At this time for the military. click Category:Celebrities